Saturday, 23 June 2012

Tissues and thermometers

We are in the middle of winter here in Canberra.
 It's cold, windy and at times rainy - outside. Inside -  our house anyway - we are churning through the tissue baxes and fighting over the thermometer.
 Our family has been struck by "the virus" this week. When I mention "the virus" to anyone they all seem to know who or what I am talking about so I think "he" must be sheltering from this cold weather in lots of people's houses at this time of year.
 In particular, this bug has struck down my 5 year old and my 18 year old. Two members of the family who don't often get sick, But this week they are sneezing, sweating, gulping down the cold meds and generally feeling miserable.
The 5 year old mainly seems to feel miserable at 3 a.m. which tends to make me feel a bit miserable but that is family life. If you want to sleep peacefully every night probably best to rethink having children.
On the whole, I don't mind tending to my sick family. it forces us all to slow down for a while, to maybe realise that we were a bit stressed, a bit busy maybe not looking after ourselves as much as we could have.
 As the main food provider in the family it makes me recommit to healthy eating, my mind turns to warming casseroles and soups. Surely wholesome food will keep" the virus" from knocking at out door again this winter.
So this week there has been a fair bit of resting on the couch and mooching around in dressing gowns. The week end is now here and hopefully we are on the mend. On Monday Mr Virus is being tossed out and we will resume our normal pace, our batteries recharged after some nuturing time.

And the 18 year old will have to give up watching TV with his siter and go back to work.
Some good things just can't last.
Megan xx

Friday, 22 June 2012

Passing it on

I rather like being an aunt.
 Even when I write the word "aunt" it feels a bit strange. My aunts always seems so grown up and I don't feel terribly grown up.
 However, the fact remains that I have three nephews and two neices and I have to say they are all rather gorgeous.
 That's the other thing about being an aunt. You can gush about your neices and nephews and it's all o.k. No one thinks you're bragging,or taking the credit for their acheivments because they are one step removed from you. You can get all the relected glory without having to be modest about it. It's a winner this aunt thing.
 The downside of my aunt duties is that my neices and nephews live a long way away. Three in Cairns, two in Sydney. I would very much like to be closer to them all. However, because I do tend to hug and kiss and call them "Darling" a lot they may be grateful that I am some distance away.
One of my neices is twelve years old and showing some interest in sewing (be still my beating heart !!).

 Her father bought her a lovely sewing kit for Xmas and we have had a couple of sessions together doing some stitching.
Repair work mainly. Much loved stuffed animals with holes in them.  But I figure, it's only a small step from repairs to... embroidery, knitting, quilting.
 Well, an aunt can dream.
In the meantime, I do like passing on the skills. And spending time with this so interesting neice of mine.
And truly, all my gushing is justified :)

Megan xx

Thursday, 21 June 2012

My sister

I've been away from this space for quite a few weeks now. I haven't felt like writing anything, no words have been floating through my mind. No words that I have felt like putting on a screen anyway.
Lots of words have been passing through my mind actually, words of anger, frustration, words of great sadness. Also some words of laughter,many words of love and admiration.
 As I've said before, my sister is sick. She has cancer in parts of her body that that those rebel cells have no right to go to. She has cancer in too many parts of her body. Too many parts for her to be able to live very much longer.
 And it all seems so wrong.
 How does this stinking disease get in? How does it take hold? Why did it have to get into her, my only sister, my only sibling?
So you can see how the angry words get into my head.

And the sad words - well  - I guess that is obvious too. It breaks my heart to see my incredibly brave sister's face cave in as she talks about leaving her partner and her two children. To not be with them is the hardest thing of all. So hard, it can't be spoken of really. Where are the words? What words describe how that would feel? My sister is very, very good with words and yet she struggles to find adjectives to adequately cover the loss of being with the ones she loves.

And I feel so sorry for myself. How will my life be without my sister? The person who has known me all my life. The person who knows heaps of bad and embarressing things about me, who I've said stuff to that I shouldn't have said, the person who I have judged incorrectly and misunderstood sometimes deliberately. And yet she still says she loves me.
And sometimes she drove me crazy, sometimes her blunt words hurt me, sometimes her ideas were so different to mine that it was  hard to find common ground.
 And yet I've always loved her, and always will.

And so foolishly, I just expected that she would always be there, in my life, on the end of the phone, giving advice, letting me debrief, making me laugh, making me proud to be related to her.
But instead she is leaving my life, leaving us all behind to try and fumble along without her.
And it will never be the same again. That's the hard bit, it will all never be the same without her here.

My sister. My brave, opinionated, resilient, strong, compassionate sister.